Leading Our Lives from Chaos to Order

"But as for my temporal life everything was uncertain..."  Augustine (Outler).



Life is not a linear path.  Sometimes it can be downright convoluted.  We are not alone in this.  This is not something that is unique to this century or time period.  Augustine felt this hundreds of years ago in North Africa.  This is not a struggle that began with the advent of the Industrial Age or once technology became all-consuming.  The struggle of being overwhelmed by our temporal lives has existed since the dawn of man.

It is not the circumstances of our lives that most affect our spirits and leave us unable to cope.  It is our thought-life about such circumstances.  Our minds sees the situations present in our lives and runs so far down the path of “what if” that the circumstance become suffocating and our decisions become paralyzed.  At that point we have lost the ability to cope with life.  When this happens humans do a variety of things all of which are aimed at replacing the feelings with something more pleasant but none of which are a healing, preventative measure that kills this destructive cycle.

We begin to use drugs to numb the pain, or alcohol because we want to feel good.  We date obsessively; convinced that if another person loves us we will stop feeling so much hurt.  We eat or don't eat because the sugar helps us forget or the control over what we're putting in our bodies makes us feel like we have power over something.  We immerse ourselves in our children, or fiction novels, or crafting projects, or football, or in mastering the art of brewing beer.  WE DISTRACT OURSELVES.  Many of these become addictions.  What we have is not a drug problem; it is a life problem.  We have lost the ability to cope.  We just can't let ourselves feel the pain.

This is not maintainable because the pain comes for us in the night.   In the stillness of the dark, quiet hours, sleep eludes us and we cannot escape the reality of our circumstances.  Our problems have not changed.  Your spouse has still left.  Your child is still wrecking their life with heroin.  Your job is still gone.  You're still fat and filled with self-loathing.  Your family is still disapproving of your life choices.  What we don't realize is that by engaging in the mind game of distraction we are prolonging and increasing our pain.  We are not solving anything.  We are delaying the inevitable.  The pain returns, the problems are magnified by our avoidance of them and we still feel powerless.   In this moment we have a choice to make.  We either wallow in our perceived sense of powerlessness, remaining on the destructive cycle or we choose to step outside of the cycle and move toward reclaiming our personal power.

Our personhood exists apart from our mind.  This is a difficult concept to grasp but we can actually observe our own thought-lives.  We exist outside of them.  We are not mastered by them.  The reason Paul says in 2 Corinthians 10:5 “We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" (NIV) is because it is possible to exercise control over our own thoughts.  So when our mind turns our problems into an excuse to obsess or avoid we have the ability to observe that choice and choose differently.

To move our lives from chaos to order we must begin to master our minds.  Consider what Brother Lawrence says regarding unceasing prayer “it was a great delusion to think that the times of prayer ought to differ from other times. That we are as strictly obliged to adhere to GOD by action in the time of action, as by prayer in its season. That his prayer was nothing else but a sense of the presence of GOD, his soul being at that time insensible to everything but Divine love: and that when the appointed times of prayer were past, he found no difference, because he still continued with GOD, praising and blessing Him with all his might, so that he passed his life in continual joy” (Lawrence).  It may seem like a stretch to have a life of continual joy, but certainly the possibility that we might not be enslaved by our minds’ relentless pursuit of “what if” is worth exploring.  Prayer is an antidote to that enslavement.  

Is it really possible to continually turn one’s mind to God?  If it was possible what effect would that have on your personal thought-life?  Could you both pray consistently throughout your day and be a control-freak?  Could prayer and unhealthy compulsions occur simultaneously?  Or is it possible that if you were praying perhaps not unceasingly but continually that your compulsions would be lessened?  Perhaps by even attempting unceasing prayer we begin the process of disciplining our minds.  

There is a prayer that has been said for centuries by all matter of believing people.  “Lord Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”  More information can be found here http://www.svots.edu/saying-jesus-prayer  It is called a Breath Prayer because of the iambic pentameter it is easy to say as you breathe in and out.  It can be shortened and changed in any way that is suited well for the believer.  

Ponder the path from chaos to order.  Could unceasing prayer be a step toward that journey?  Consider trying it and reflecting on what, if any, changes you experience in your thought-life. 

Photo Credit: Mark Larsen

Beyond escaping chaos.

Controlling one's thought-lives is a beginning step on the journey of leading your life.  But it is a beginning step and one we will continually return to.  One of the steps that can be helpful to attempt is to practice the presence of the Divine.  As we learned previously there is no more preferential place to pray.  "In regard to place, it should be known that every place is rendered fit for prayer by one who prays rightly, for in every place sacrifice is offered to me . . . says the Lord, and I desire therefore that men pray in every place” (Curtis).  There is no place where we cannot pray.  But similarly it is an aid on the journey toward a God-Centered life to begin intentionally noticing where we see and feel God.  Often called "Practicing the Presence of God" this is more than just unceasing prayer it is practicing an intentional awareness of God's movements and actions in our lives.  Different than praying over the dishes this may be experienced through a feeling you have in the presence of a friend or a stranger.  Or the feeling of holiness invading the space as you hear a painful story of a coworker.  In that moment you are aware of a Presence greater than yourself.  Sometimes God is calling to action in those moments but just as often He may be comforting you in that moment.  The Presence of God is not limited to the ways anyone lists of presenting itself.  He is as varied in his presentations to individuals as the people who inhabit the planet.

One of the ways that God is commonly experienced is through nature.  I have included several photographs below.  I would like to you take some time with whatever picture speaks to you and see if God has anything to speak to you about as you ponder the image.  Perhaps a feeling will stir in your spirit.  Make a note of that.  Perhaps that doesn't happen for you.  With a similar intentionality that pondering the pictures below requires, begin to give more conscious thought to your daily life as you are living it.  See if you can begin to observe the moments that occur throughout your day as they are happening and practice what we call noticing, by looking for God in those moments.  We'll talk more about why in the next lesson.

Photo credit Mark Larsen

Photo credit Mark Larsen

Photo credit Mark Larsen

Photo credit Mark Larsen

Photo credit Mark Larsen

Photo credit Mark Larsen

We cannot lead from what we do not know

In the last segment I invited you to begin attuning yourself to the presence of God.  The reason behind doing this is because until you begin to notice and have awareness of how God is interacting in your world on a daily basis you cannot lead your life from a God-Centered place.  We cannot lead from what we do not know.  Many call this attuning or turning to God contemplation.  Contemplation is not an experience that one can scientifically qualify; to define it is to negate almost all of the meaning given by experiencing it.  "Contemplation is not and cannot be a function of this external self" (Merton).  What Merton means by external self is the "thought-life based I", the part of ourselves most easily identified by the world.  This is not the part of us that is active in Contemplation.  This is the part of us that you are attempting to reach beyond by engaging in the practice of contemplation.  All of that tells you what Contemplation is not without giving you any handle one what it is.

"Contemplation is precisely the awareness that this "I" is really "not I" and the awakening of the unknown "I" that is beyond observation and reflection and is incapable of comment upon itself" (Merton).  Hopefully by now you have reached an awareness that there is more to you and your personhood than your thought-life.  Contemplation is the practice that helps us discover what that "more" is.  By engaging in contemplation you are opening yourself up to experiencing a greater depth of self-awareness.  You will not leave this practice with more words you can use to describe who you are or even who God is.  But you will leave it with an a deeper soul knowing of both God and self.  The self that is awakened in contemplation "cannot even say "I" with the assurance and impertinence of the the other one, for its very nature is to be hidden, unnamed, unidentified in the society where men talk about  themselves and one another" (Merton).  Humans walk around confidently identifying their personhood in society.  Merton is telling you that is not what you will attain in contemplation.

Soul knowing is a difficult concept for those who have lived so long in the mind to grasp but consider this.  How do you know that you would do anything for your children?  You have most likely never experienced coming face-to-face with a man with a gun who intended to harm your children.  You have not likely had the opportunity to stand in between them and him and protect your children.  However, you know that you know that you know that if that happened you would not only protect them, but there would be zero hesitation on your part to do so.  That is something you know in your soul.  In a slightly different way the feeling that your childhood home stirs inside of you is not something you can qualify with words, whether it was a good childhood or a terrifying one you can walk around inside that feeling simply by entering the front door.  You know with a deep sense of knowing, far beyond the words you can use to qualify it, where home is and what going inside does to you.  Soul knowing.

Contemplation gives us an experience that invites us to know God and ourselves in such a fashion.  What if you knew that you knew that you knew that God loved you and you were enough for him?
What if you knew that you knew that you knew that you were created exactly as he intended to create you with all your flaws and imperfections and you were as you should be?

What if you knew that you knew that you knew that God wanted a relationship with you and not only found you worthy of his time but he could not wait to spend time with you?

Contemplation invites you into this kind of knowing.  That's all fine, well and good but how does one experience it?  I'm going to give you some steps to begin the practice of contemplation, but then I want you to take some time outside of this place and actually practice.  Please don't return until you have at least attempted contemplation.  Also understand there a variety of ways to practice contemplation, what I am offering you is a sampling of what is out there.  


Begin by finding a quiet space free from distractions where you will not be interrupted.

Spend a few moments journaling or speaking to God about whatever is pressing on your spirit that day (worries, demands, stress).  Speak or write those with the intention of letting them go once they have been named.

Visualize yourself letting go, releasing or setting aside the cares of your day.

Pay attention to your breathing, slow it down and breathe in a comfortable rhythm.  

As you breathe in consider if there is anything God wants to offer you, keeping your mind open and not choosing for him.  As you breathe out push the active thoughts in your brain further away from your consciousness, concentrating instead on openness.  Breathe in and out, inviting God in with each breath, pushing thoughts out with each exhale.  

Attempt to stay in this silent place for as long as you can.  Once you to end this time you can close in an auditory or silent prayer possibly just thanking God for that time.  It is also a good idea to journal any experiences you had in this time for reflection later.


May you be blessed.

Experiencing the Holy

How was your practice of contemplation?  The key word in that question is practice, contemplation is not something you will attain perfectly on your first attempt.  It is a practice and if you stick with it you will learn how to do it, and be blessed in the process.  Remember the goal here is to lead from a God-Centered place.  By engaging in contemplation, unceasing prayer and turning our attention you are looking for God in your life.  By doing this you are abandoning the old way of living that relies on your plans and thoughts and replacing that lifestyle with one that relies on God.  One of the things you may experience by undertaking this intentional turning to God are moments when the Holy invades.  You become aware of something other and wonderful, unnameable and glorious, the Divine.   This happened in your life prior to your awareness of it, but now you see it and feel it and may wonder what to do with it.  I have found that humility and thanksgiving is the best course of action in those moment when my soul is flooded and my body tingles with an awareness of God.  It is as if light as invaded my world.  Gregory of Nyssa experienced this light and chose a path of humility as well  “The light teaches us what we must do to stand within the rays of the true light: Sandaled feet cannot ascend that height where the light of truth is seen" (Ferguson and Malherbe).  While it might not be practical to remove one's shoes in the middle of the day at work, it is wise consider the blessing you have just received by being able to see or feel the light of God entering your world.  "Blessed are your eyes because they see and your ears because they hear" Matthew 13:16 (NIV).  Not everyone sees the hand of God in their lives and experiences these moments of wonder.  Consider them to be a gift.

Through humbling ourselves whether by removing our shoes or kneeling or murmuring a prayer of thanksgiving we open up the possibility that “the knowledge of the truth will result and manifest itself.  The full knowledge of being comes about by purifying our opinion concerning nonbeing.  In my view the definition of truth is this: not to have a mistaken impression of Being” (Ferguson and Malherbe), wise words from Gregory of Nyssa.   There are those that hold so tightly to the impression or conclusions they have made about who and what God is that God's ability to move in their lives is unrecognized by them because of their limiting perspective. When life behaves in a discordant way with this individual’s beliefs about who God is their world is rocked even more so than necessary.  It is important when living from a God-Centered Place that we not make an idol out of God.  We must be able to submit in humility to God, while not deciding in our own feeble mindedness who God is.   This begins the challenge of learning to hold things loosely.

Picture this.  You have something of value in your hands, a sapphire ring or keys to Porsche or plane tickets to Italy.  How are you holding onto this item?  You probably would be wrapping your hands tightly around the object to make certain you don't drop it and that it cannot be knocked out of your hands.  Now picture your ideas about who God is and how he acts in your life.   Are these beliefs about God something you are clenching tightly in your hands or are your palms open allowing God the freedom to act as he sees fit?  When you decide that you know who God is, even if you believe that you're basing that knowledge on scripture and wisdom, you run the risk of boxing God in, limiting what you perceive to be God's allowable acts in your life.  To live from a God-Centered place it would behoove you to submit yourself to allowing God to introduce himself to you, not strictly through your interpretation of the scriptures, but through a personal revelation.

Spend some time considering God in a contemplative state.  Journal about who you have decided God is.  Then return to prayer and submit your ideas about God to him asking for him to further your understanding of himself.

Trouble will Come

It is a beautiful undertaking that you have embarked upon.  The desire to live from a place that is rooted in God and not relying on your own strength is a mark of incredible strength and humility.  Life will not cease and there will be trials that try to throw you off your center as you embark on this journey but even in the depths of struggle there can be beauty if you dare to open yourself to seeing it.  I am going to be leaving you with a poem by respected old dead guy, Symeon the New Theologian, to ponder as well as some icons to gaze on prayerfully.  I pray they will aid you on your journey toward a God-Centered Life.

In the midst of that night, in my darkness

by Symeon the New Theologian

In the midst of that night, in my darkness,

I saw the awesome sight of Christ

opening the heavens for me.

And he bent down to me and showed himself to me

with the Father and the Holy Spirit

in the thrice holy light --

a single light in three, and a threefold light in one,

for they are altogether light,

and the three are but one light,.

And he illumined my soul

more radiantly than the sun,

and he lit up my mind,

which had until then been in darkness.

Never before had my mind seen such things.

I was blind, you should know it, and I saw nothing.

That was why this strange wonder

was so astonishing to me,

when Christ, as it were, opened the eye of my mind,

when he gave me sight, as it were,

and it was him that I saw.

He is Light within Light, who appears

to those who contemplate him,

and contemplatives see him in light --

see him, that is, in the light of the Spirit...

And now, as if from far off,

I still see that unseeable beauty,

that unapproachable light, that unbearable glory.

My mind is completely astounded.

I tremble with fear.

Is this a small taste from the abyss,

which like a drop of water

serves to make all water known

in all its qualities and aspects?...

I found him, the One whom I had seen from afar,

the one whom Stephen saw

when the heavens opened,

and later whose vision blinded Paul.

Truly, he was as a fire in the center of my heart.

I was outside myself, broken down, lost to myself,

and unable to bear the unendurable brightness of that glory.

And so, I turned
and fled into the night of the senses.

Release yourself from striving.  Live in Peace.